By Eben van Tonder, 21 Feb 2025
Not Just Any Night
It was a night thick with the humid weight of the Lagos mainland forest. Rain drummed against the banana leaves, creating a relentless percussion. The air was a symphony of buzzing mosquitoes and the occasional croaking of a bullfrog, all of which formed the soundtrack to Eben’s latest grand experiment in meat alchemy. He had a plan, a foolproof one—or so he thought.
The Plan: The Perfect Ham
Eben had secured what he assumed to be the perfect pork—until Armi, the ever-wise and slightly exasperated narrator of the group, explained otherwise.
“Siggi, my dear spoon-riding friend,” Armi began, “this meat came from pigs that were under far too much stress before slaughter. You see, when pigs get very stressed, their bodies flood with lactic acid, which turns the meat Pale, Soft, and Exudative—PSE, for short. That means the proteins don’t hold together well, and, well, the ham doesn’t firm up like it should.”
Siggi, ever the enthusiastic troublemaker, wiggled excitedly atop his spoon, contemplating how Eben could possibly salvage this disaster.
The Process: A Study in Perseverance
Eben, meticulous as ever, had taken every precaution. First, he firmed the meat, then cooked it gently to 65°C.
“Why 65°C, Armi?” Siggi chirped, bobbing up and down.
“Well, that’s the point where proteins start to set, but Eben didn’t stop there. Oh no. He injected it with a delicious brine—infused with care and science—let it rest for 72 hours, then slow-cooked and grilled it to 72°C internal core temperature.”
“Why 72°C?” Siggi asked, his curiosity as insatiable as ever.
“Because, Siggi, that’s the temperature where collagen really starts to break down, making the meat tender. And let’s not forget, it’s hot enough to be safe from all those pesky foodborne nasties.”
The Great Unraveling
Eben followed every step with precision. Rapid cooling? Check. Resting overnight at 4°C? Check. The next day, he applied a carefully formulated browning solution—soy isolate and sodium bicarbonate—before roasting it at 140°C. The ham, however, did not bind.
What he had instead was the most succulent, tender pulled pork ever witnessed in the history of Lagos cuisine.
Siggi nearly fainted from joy.
The Pulled Pork Pie Revelation
“This…this is not a failure, Eben!” Siggi declared, dramatically waving his tiny spoon-arms. “This is the birth of something legendary! I must taste it!”
And with that, he slid down his spoon and dove headfirst into the pile of smoky, juicy pork, relishing its flavor as if it were a dish fit for the gods.
Meanwhile, in Austria, Wolfgang, the renowned meat master, was already perfecting a smoky BBQ marinade—rich, deep, and laced with a whisper of alpine mystery. The sauce was bound for Nigeria, destined to be slathered onto the now-famous pulled pork pies.
The Streets of Lagos: A Sensory Extravaganza
The pies took over the city. At Countell’s street stands, they were served piping hot, steam curling up into the night air. The scent of charred meat, spices, and Wolfgang’s legendary marinade drifted through the bustling lanes of Oshodi Market, mixing with the aroma of fried plantains and the sharp tang of fresh citrus. Vendors hollered, hawking their wares, children darted between stalls, and visitors marveled at the intoxicating chaos of it all.
“Get your Siggi and Armi Pulled Pork Pie! The finest in all of Lagos!” shouted a particularly enthusiastic seller, slamming his hands on the counter to emphasize the urgency of this culinary experience.
Siggi and Armi had done it. The PSE ham experiment had failed spectacularly, but what came from it was a dish so delightful, so unforgettably rich and smoky, that even the most skeptical of meat connoisseurs were left speechless.
And thus, in the dense forests of Lagos, beneath a sky heavy with rain, amidst a chorus of croaking frogs and mosquito symphonies, Eben had unknowingly created a legend.
The End…or Just the Beginning?
Eben, Armi, and Siggi sat together, enjoying their pulled pork minced pie, savoring every bite. As they laughed and relived the wild journey of their accidental discovery, Armi and Siggi turned their thoughts to Graz.
“Siggi, my friend, we must send our love to Christa!” Armi declared.
Siggi nodded vigorously. “And what better way than with a pie?”
They arranged for a magnificent Nigerian super eagle to deliver two pies across the skies to Austria—one for Mom Christa and one for Master Wolfgang. As the bird took flight, soaring above the bustling streets of Lagos, carrying the fragrant treasures, the trio smiled, knowing their creation had now traveled beyond the rainforest, into legend.
For more adventures of Sigi and Armi, visit The Adventures of Sigi and Armi