The S-factor

By Eben, 15 March 2025

Table of Contents

Setting the Stage

There are moments in life when action is needed and a decision has to be made. And more often than not, it’s not just about making the decision—it’s becomes also about getting people to follow it… or at least not interfere. And here’s the tricky part:
How do you get people to stand with you on your plan?

How do you keep them from dragging you into endless explanations?
And how do you stay focused without being distracted by the pressure to justify yourself over and over?

That’s where I found myself today.

I had a plan. A good one. It was the best course of action—for me and for Christa. But a people tried to convince me to change it. They had their reasons. They pushed. They wanted me to adjust, to compromise.

And as much as they wanted me to shift, I found myself holding the line, thinking, “No. Sticking to this plan is best for us.”

But as I reflected, I realized something:
While I was focused on standing my ground, I was also trying to bring them into alignment with me. To help them see that my decision wasn’t just my personal choice—it was the best decision for all of us. And maybe—just maybe—I was getting distracted by explaining, when I should have been leading.

And then came the example of a young man. Lets call him S!

The Provokant

Earlier that day – this same day – our S-man with his sharp instinct and courage, faced his own test.

At school, another boy had acted aggressively toward four other kids. It was tense. It could have gone badly.
But the young man didn’t wait for someone else to act. He stepped in. Clearly. Decisively. He acted.

Later, during a discussion with his class teacher, he simply said that some people are provokant and some are provozierend.

One provokes because they want attention; the other provokes because they are like that. The young hero dealt with the latter.

And his teacher? She smiled and nodded. No long explanations. She got it. He had said it all.

Reflecting on this at 3 a.m., I realise, Our Hero demonstrated something I still need to get better at.

The Moment It All Clicked

I came across something from Charles Hughes. He talked about leadership in a way that suddenly framed everything that had happened…

What I had done well today.
What our hero had done brilliantly.
And what I still needed to sharpen.

Hughes calls it FATE. The letters are the lesson F..A..T..E

And once I saw it, I realized exactly how to lead people to follow my plan, and stop dragging me into the weeds of endless explanations.

FATE: The Leadership Code of Kings, Warriors, and (Apparently) Young Men and Older Men

Hughes distilled it down to a powerful strategy.

Let see how Hughes breaks it down and sharpens it—this is how leaders, warriors, kings, and generals have commanded loyalty and action for thousands of years.

1. Focus

You must have laser clarity in what you want them to do—no hesitation. People sense uncertainty and they pull back.

Act as if there is no other option.
Your energy tells them whether to doubt or to act.
They follow your eyes, your tone, your stillness—or your movement.

Our hero was clear. There was a problem; he stepped in. He didn’t hesitate. When he spoke to his teacher, his clarity gave weight to his words.

For me? I had clarity in my decision but should have brought that same clarity to the tribe I was trying to align. No second-guessing. No explanations.

And here’s the key:
The more focused you are, the less explaining you need to do. People don’t follow a speech. They follow certainty.

2. Authority

Humans have a hardwired, ancient instinct to follow a leader who radiates power and certainty.

Command, don’t ask.
Speak less, not more. Brevity signals power.
Control your body language:
- Upright, open chest, slow movements.
- Hold eye contact just long enough to assert, then look away deliberately.
Authority also comes from being decisive under pressure. If things are chaotic and you are calm, they’ll follow you instinctively.
The “alpha” vibe isn’t aggression—it’s certainty.
- “I am the one who leads. You are safe with me. We are moving forward.”

Our hero didn’t ask for permission. He didn’t explain himself. He stood as the authority—and was treated as such.

For me? I realized I spent too long explaining. Authority doesn’t ask for agreement—it creates it. If you are the leader, people feel it. You don’t need to argue for it.

3. Make Them Think It’s the Expected Tribal Response

This is genius. People don’t want to be the outsider. If they believe the tribe expects them to act a certain way, they will conform automatically.

Use social proof language:
“This is what we do.”
- “This is how we handle it.”
- “You’re one of us. You know what’s expected.”
Humans are wired to fear exile. If you make the action feel like it’s the group norm, they will comply to stay part of it.
Identity is key: Make the action part of who they are, not just what they do.
- “This is who we are. We stand up. We act.”

Our hero’s action wasn’t about himself. He acted for the group—for the classroom, for the collective.
For me? I focused too much on my plan being good for me and Christa. If I had shifted to our plan being good for the broader us, I might have brought the group along faster.

When people feel that this is what our tribe does, they don’t resist—they align.

4. Trigger an Emotional Response

Emotion overrides reason. Always. If you make them feel, they’ll move.

What emotion? Depends on the goal.
- Pride: “You’ve always been the one who steps up.”
- Fear (controlled): “We don’t have time to hesitate.”
- Belonging: “You’re part of this. We need you.”
- Desire: “This leads to what we’ve worked for.”
Speak to their identity and future: “Do this, and you help to solve a problem.”

Our hero’s calm certainty felt safe. It made people trust him. His teacher didn’t just agree with his words—she felt the rightness of them.
For me? I was stuck in my head, rationalizing.
But people don’t follow rationality. They follow emotion.
Triggering the feeling of belonging, purpose, or pride makes them move.

In Short

You become the tribal chief their ancestors once followed.

Clarity in your goal.
Embodied authority in your presence.
Social belonging that makes them act out of tribal loyalty.
Emotion to make them feel why it matters.

This is how you get people to move without resistance.
This is how you stop getting dragged into explaining. You don’t argue. You lead.

What’s the Mission? Who Are You Leading?

These are the questions I keep asking myself now:

What is my Focus?
Am I standing in Authority, or explaining too much?
Have I made this the Tribe’s expected response?
Have I Triggered the right Emotion?

Because a young man reminded me today:

Short is strong.
Clear is powerful.
If you’re explaining too much, you’re already losing the upper hand.

What Lessons Do I Take from Today?

First, clarity is everything. Our young hero was clear. I was clear in my decision, but I can be clearer in how I bring others into alignment.
Second, authority is about certainty, not volume. Our hero didn’t argue. He didn’t justify. He acted. And the brilliance in his explanation to his teacher was how short it was!
Third, it’s not about me. It’s about us. The young man acted for the group. I need to show people how sticking to the plan is the best path for all of us. Always show how its not just good for me or the “restricted us” but the much broader us. All of us!
And fourth, people follow what they feel. Our hero’s teacher didn’t need a debate. She felt it.
And today, Charles Hughes gave me the lens to see it all clearly.

So, young man…

You didn’t just handle an aggressive boy at school. You didn’t just give a sharp answer to your teacher. You led.

A young man who knows who he is—and what his tribe expects from him. And you reminded me today—on this very day—of what leadership requires. You showed me that bravery is sometimes calm.
That clarity cuts through confusion.
And that true leadership makes people want to follow, not because you argue—but because they feel it’s right.